So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
