On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
