Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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