it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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