Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
