I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
