yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
