well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
