Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
