Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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