the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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