The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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