I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
