don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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