We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
