some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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