I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
