Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
