if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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