hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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