Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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