I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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