i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
