Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
