girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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