I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
