You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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