Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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