I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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