Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
