and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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