I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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