Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
