Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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