Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
