We won't sleep together?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
