so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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