This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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