Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
