Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

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(815): View more from Illinois

Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.

(616): View more from Michigan

Already at 3 and it's not even noon.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon

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(815): View more from Illinois

Hey

(312): View more from Illinois

Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$

(815): View more from Illinois

GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS

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