do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We are two peas in an std pod
You're like the curious george of whores
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
