It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
