We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
