Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Vodka?
Forever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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