We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
