My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
