Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
