So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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