I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
