hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
