i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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