Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
