Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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