then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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