True but thats because hes a fetus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
