I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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