So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
