In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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