Whod you bang
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
