So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
