Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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