that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
